do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
