im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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