Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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