I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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