i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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