Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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