On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I would fuck him just for his dog
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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