I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
