how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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