and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
