If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
