she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
