have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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