I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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