I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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