dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
