i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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