ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
