on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
