know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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