ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
