ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
