Don't make out with my wife yet
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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