idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize