Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
