dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
