I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize