and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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