Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
