Christians are straight up FREAKS
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
