the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
