oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
