ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
