I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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