Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
