toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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