I checked into jail on foursquare
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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