Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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