So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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