At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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