I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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