she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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