like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
