i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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