literally had 100 drinks last night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
