I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
