end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
