just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
