I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
