I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
