So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
