Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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