direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
