She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
