The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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