i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize