his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
