All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
