My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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