we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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