fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.