true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.