Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight