if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high