and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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