If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.