The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space