i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Two words: blizzard sex
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.