Michael Bay diarrhea
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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