On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
