i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
