Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
