he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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