I'm jealous of your bromance
no, he came in my armpit
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
