no, he came in my armpit
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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