take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
