Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
